some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Less talking, more tequila
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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