I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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