I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
