I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
