one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
