Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize