so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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