im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
