my soul wont recognize me after tonight
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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