So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
