the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
