Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize