Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
