I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
