I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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