Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
