my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize