needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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