i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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