she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
