you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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