I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
