think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
