I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
