you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
