When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize