I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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