he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
