I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
