do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Barsexuality is the new black.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Randomize
