Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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