Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Randomize
