i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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