wat bout pragnant strippers??
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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