your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
