At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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