Kiss
Puke
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
