i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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