I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
