Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize