you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize