Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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