You really coming over, don't trick.
I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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