Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Randomize