JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
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