she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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