if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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