I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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