Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
