I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
