I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
its liver damage thursday
Randomize