she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
