So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize