it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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