i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
