Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Alive.
So much puke
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Randomize
