Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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