Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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