put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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