She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize