did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
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