just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
