I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
third nipple confirmed
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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