Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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