i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
why do cheetos always look like penises
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
should my penis look like a turkey
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
