I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
