Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
